I’ll hold on to that promise you made. And Ya Rabb please make that promise come true 😌0
The Other Day
Every thursday night will always be my regular day with Haziqah heading to Ustazah’s house for our weekly Ngaji lesson.
That Thursday someone decided to fetch me back from my class at Marsling and in return to reward him I bought that piping hot & huge $1 epok-epok from Rasa-rasa coffee shop.
As usual he will tease me cos my usual dress code for Ngaji class is jubah & a simple shawl. He will keep teasing that I look like someone’s wife already.
We sat at the void deck and while we were chatting Ibuk came back from work. I knew he missed Ibuk a lot, we’ve been through a lot, too many hurdles and such… (Just by typing all this I’m almost close to tears…)
We sat and chatted for awhile, surprisingly he asked what have I learned today and browse through the ikrar book. Tetibe rase stress, when he asked me to read through certain words… Siap standby eh nak dengar bacaan Al-fateha 😖
I guess it was an hour or so and at the same time he explained to me certain things and what to take note especially when I get to proceed reading the Al-Quran.
Ya Allah at that moment, that exact moment my heart was at peace even though my heart was beating fast as I was anxious being tested on my pronunciation… To see his softer side teaching me and correcting me just melt my heart…
Out of a sudden he was all so encouraging telling me it’s okay to take my time, slowly but surely cos I keep asking how long does a person take to complete his/her ikrar and then Al-Quran.
With his serious face, he turned and looked at me…
"It okay, take your time. At least you are starting somewhere. InsyaAllah once kite da nikah I will read the Al-Quran for you everyday."
Ya Rabb please make this true. 😢😢😢
I’m holding on to this promise no matter what.
Amin Amin Amin ya rabal alamin…
I never felt this way before.
Don’t ask me what’s with that feeling today… For every prayer I performed I just couldn’t hold back my tears and I don’t know why…
Maybe I know why but then again… Why?
Ya Rabb please bring my focus back and grant me the strength to do so.
And Alhamdullilah it finally rained after so long. Dunia ni terlalu panas Ya Allah limpahi lah hujan dan Rahmat ke dunia ini…0
I just got back from a short getaway with my mother & sister.
I thought I could at least put my mind at ease and at least smile for this short trip but I failed…
I felt as if I lost my smile, I lost my voice and I lost my laughter. And today I sat alone in the train thinking that I probably have lost myself…
Looking and seeing other people being happy make me felt even more numbed. Numb, yes.
After all that has happened and is happening, all I want is just to be alone. I need time to think through, I need to gather my lost courage and get back on my feet again…
For all the sins I’ve done, I will gladly receive my punishment and I hope and seek forgiveness from Allah swt for he is the Most Forgiving and Most Merciful one…
It’s time I let Allah show me the way. I’m tired of everything, tired of planning, tired of waiting and so on so forth…
Yup at this age, 25 I’m feeling lost. Don’t ask me why. I just want to be alone and disappear without anyone realizing…0